planting seeds in starter tray black tray

10 Things You Need to Hear on the Hard Days and You Feel Like a Failure

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Last week, in my newsletter, I shared how spring is officially here and we have hit the ground running. When you write it all out, and share the lovely moments on Instagram it seems like we’re kicking butt & taking names, but no matter how much we accomplish around the farm, my mama guilt gets busy scolding me for what I’m not able to get done in a day. Inevitably, when my Agrarian Calendar starts filling up, lessons start falling by the wayside no matter how well intentioned I was when I awoke. I come in and find the house EXPLODED and the kids walked away in the middle of lunch dishes (am I the only one who can recognize “clean?!”) and now I have to throw dinner on in a kitchen that is a disaster area.

Working to beat the week of forecasted rain and plant 500 strawberries.
But the kitchen is a disaster. And it’s only breakfast.

I know you can relate. (And that’s a comfort to me!)

Dishes are piled up in the sink. You’re pulling clean underwear out of the dryer for your potty training toddler. Your kids need a bath (and a haircut, too). Dinner is looking like scrambled eggs (again). And you’re pretty sure you didn’t win any awards for “the Most Patient and Gentle Mommy” today.

In fact, on days like this you might be tempted to judge yourself even more harshly than that. Not only were you not at your best, but actually, you’re a terrible mom. A pathetic homemaker. The day was a disaster. You probably deserve an F minus in motherhood.

And on and on goes the litany in your head as you stew about the ways you didn’t match up or weren’t enough or were too whatever (angry, critical, impatient, disorganized, fill in the blank).

You snap a shot of your depressing laundry pile after the kids go to bed and share it on Instagram with a self-deprecating comment and the hashtag #momfail. You can also use Instagram story templates to spice things up. It’s only meant as a joke, of course, but deep down it feels a little truer than you wish it did.

If this sounds even remotely familiar, you need to know two things:

  1. You are not. Most of us feel this way far more than we ever admit.
  2. All the ways you failed?? How awful you did today or last week? It’s just not true. You’re doing better than you think.
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The productive side of the basement…
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And the other, not so share-worthy side.

I’ve had these sorts of days myself, and it’s precisely because I get it that I’m so excited to point you in the direction of this brand new (and free!) video series created by two moms who have lived their fair share of #momfail days.

Stephanie and Beth are not only popular bloggers, but they’re also moms in the trenches. They’ve got 8 kids and almost 20 years of mothering experience between them.

They also understand and have the deepest compassion for moms who are working their tails off, but still hitting the pillow at night with a heavy heart and tear-stained face, because they feel like they’re failing at one of the most important things they’ll ever do in their lives.

And so they’ve put together an honest, candid and incredibly encouraging series of three videos just for moms. It’s called “The Truth About #MomFail Culture: 10 Things You Need to Hear on the Hard Days”.

I think I needed to hear #4 the most.

Our failures & weaknesses do not define us. On the surface, it might look like I’m hanging on by a thread and that I’ve never used a mop in my life,  but that’s not the reality and this season will pass. Literally.

For the short term, I know that summer days (once the gardens are in and all the livestock are in established routines on grass) will give me a breather and then it’s right back at it when canning season hits! For the long term, having just officially raised my first child to adulthood, I realize now that the time that was agonizingly slow when he was little starts moving like a snowball downhill, picking up speed the more it moves on.

The video series won’t solve all your problems, and much as they wish they could, they can’t reach through the computer and fold that pile’o’laundry for you. But we can all benefit from a fresh perspective and encouragement from someone who really gets it.

Each video is short – around 10 minutes, and you can watch it on any sort of device and whenever you’ve got a few spare minutes.

To watch the video series, just click this link and enter your name and email to sign up. You’ll get access to the first video today, and then one per day after that.

This month I’ve officially raised my first child to adulthood…
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While I’m still having to clean up toddler messes.

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  1. I'm sorry that you you had one of those days Kelli! Thank God His mercies are new every morning! I actually did have some depression a few years back and a great amino acid blend helped me get out of my funk enough to get a more level-headed view of how to deal with it. Joe Morecraft has a fantastic sermon from Proverbs on depression on Sermon Audio called "Two Ways." It came just when I needed it and helped give me the tools to adjust my thinking. Thank you for the book recommendation! Blessings to you Kelli!

  2. This was encouraging. Thank you! Had "one of those days" yesterday. They hit it on the head when they mentioned that we don't share with others and when this happens, depression can (and will at some point) set in. Some of this can actually be real Spiritual Warfare from the Adversary as he attacks the mind (the book "Spiritual Warfare" by Dr. Karl Payne is an eye-opening book and helped bring me, personally, out of warfare at one point after we moved). Sometimes, it can be hormonal if you are lacking Magnesium or many other vitamins/minerals in your diet, espeically when estrogen levels drop for females during their cycles.

    The best part is that if we are believers in Jesus Christ, we have GRACE. When we ask Him for forgiveness on a bad day, He forgives and gives us GRACE!

    I love how raw and candid you are Quin as you share your adventures on your beautiful farm, with your beautiful family!!!


  3. Yes, you do need to listen! I wish every mother could hear the wisdom and feel the release of guilt for not being perfect! I confess I had already been crying to Bill and wanting to quit because of the kids. They need this, I should be doing this, when am I going to have time to teach my 5yo to read…. and so on. Wait, I think I'm starting to pile it back on… back to those videos again 😉

  4. I have the exact same moments everyday. I can't wait to watch these videos…I need to hear these videos. Life is chaotic right now and behind like always and I definitely don't think I'm giving my best mommy effort to my kiddos. Hugs to you Quinn…we're in the trenches together!